Is there a link between drinking and cheating?
Or is it simply an excuse? Melissa D'costa gets you the answers.
As an audience we are cued into a possible flirtation turning into a drunken affair onscreen, even before it happens. Often a war of words ensues followed by a separation and in sometimes a break up. So, why is getting drunk automatically associated with cheating? Is there a connection between the two or is it simply a convenient excuse? We get experts to give their take on it.
Is being drunk a valid justification?
Seema Hingorrany, a clinical psychologist says, "Alcohol can produce significant impairments in memory after only a few drinks and, as the amount of alcohol increases, so does the degree of impairment. Large quantities of alcohol, especially when consumed quickly and on an empty stomach, can produce a blackout, or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events, or even entire events. So when a person says, I had a one night stand,the person may not remember it at all, under influence of alcohol. He/ she can safely say, it all just happened inadvertently, and, yes, it does happens in that moment."
However, if there is a pattern where the person concerned cheats again, claiming to be under the influence of alcohol, you need to probe further. As in the case of 26-year-old Reema Dutta. The travel executive was married for four years but was facing marital problems because her husband kept cheating on her claiming to be under the influence of alcohol. Reema says, "Everytime my husband used the 'I am the victim of a drunken escapade gone wrong' line to explain cheating on me, I grew tired of it and finally confronted him. That's when he admitted that he was consciously having affairs with other women, but didn't have the guts to tell me about them."
Seema says, "Sometimes people lie about doing things in a drunken state because they cannot cope with facts and realities of life. Such people need professional help."
Psychological connection between drinking and cheating Psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, says, "Alcohol has often been used by individuals to reduce their own fears, cope with their anxiety and deal with their negative emotions leading to temporary state of happiness. It usually reduces inhibitions and sometimes helps express repressed emotions. Even if people just use alcohol as an excuse to cheat, there are definitely underlying issues and concerns, which easily manifest themselves under the influence of alcohol. Thus, there may not be a direct connection, but there definitely is a psychological connection between drinking and cheating. There are some people with personality disorders and some who understand the effects of alcohol. They can manoeuvre and use the influence of alcohol as an excuse for cheating."
So what can you do to put a stop to it?
- Listen. Hear what your partner has to say, and give him/ her a chance to explain themselves.
- Decide what you want to do. When in a situation like this it's difficult to think rationally because you are hurt. However, you need to focus and re-examine your reasons for being in this relationship.
- Ask yourself, if you can truly forgive your partner for their actions. If not, it's best you part ways now.
- Examine the motive. It's important to find out if there are any problems that are the trigger points for such reckless behaviour, if you want to avoid it happening again.
- Don't let someone fool you. If it happens once it can be a mistake, if it keeps happening it's definitely not something that can be ignored and is a sign that something is terribly wrong
.
As an audience we are cued into a possible flirtation turning into a drunken affair onscreen, even before it happens. Often a war of words ensues followed by a separation and in sometimes a break up. So, why is getting drunk automatically associated with cheating? Is there a connection between the two or is it simply a convenient excuse? We get experts to give their take on it.
Is being drunk a valid justification?
Seema Hingorrany, a clinical psychologist says, "Alcohol can produce significant impairments in memory after only a few drinks and, as the amount of alcohol increases, so does the degree of impairment. Large quantities of alcohol, especially when consumed quickly and on an empty stomach, can produce a blackout, or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events, or even entire events. So when a person says, I had a one night stand,the person may not remember it at all, under influence of alcohol. He/ she can safely say, it all just happened inadvertently, and, yes, it does happens in that moment."
However, if there is a pattern where the person concerned cheats again, claiming to be under the influence of alcohol, you need to probe further. As in the case of 26-year-old Reema Dutta. The travel executive was married for four years but was facing marital problems because her husband kept cheating on her claiming to be under the influence of alcohol. Reema says, "Everytime my husband used the 'I am the victim of a drunken escapade gone wrong' line to explain cheating on me, I grew tired of it and finally confronted him. That's when he admitted that he was consciously having affairs with other women, but didn't have the guts to tell me about them."
Seema says, "Sometimes people lie about doing things in a drunken state because they cannot cope with facts and realities of life. Such people need professional help."
Psychological connection between drinking and cheating Psychiatrist, Anjali Chhabria, says, "Alcohol has often been used by individuals to reduce their own fears, cope with their anxiety and deal with their negative emotions leading to temporary state of happiness. It usually reduces inhibitions and sometimes helps express repressed emotions. Even if people just use alcohol as an excuse to cheat, there are definitely underlying issues and concerns, which easily manifest themselves under the influence of alcohol. Thus, there may not be a direct connection, but there definitely is a psychological connection between drinking and cheating. There are some people with personality disorders and some who understand the effects of alcohol. They can manoeuvre and use the influence of alcohol as an excuse for cheating."
So what can you do to put a stop to it?
- Listen. Hear what your partner has to say, and give him/ her a chance to explain themselves.
- Decide what you want to do. When in a situation like this it's difficult to think rationally because you are hurt. However, you need to focus and re-examine your reasons for being in this relationship.
- Ask yourself, if you can truly forgive your partner for their actions. If not, it's best you part ways now.
- Examine the motive. It's important to find out if there are any problems that are the trigger points for such reckless behaviour, if you want to avoid it happening again.
- Don't let someone fool you. If it happens once it can be a mistake, if it keeps happening it's definitely not something that can be ignored and is a sign that something is terribly wrong
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