Office romance gone sour

Office romance gone sour

A little office fling never hurt anyone, or did it? Our experts tell you how to deal with a work romance gone sour

Sneaking away at lunch breaks; having innumerable cups of tea at the canteen; leaving secret raunchy messages at their work station; watching movies after work — sure the office romance was fun. Tragically, it came to an end. Unlike previous breakups, where you could walk away and grieve in peace, dealing with this is a whole new ballgame.

Working together means you see each other on a daily basis. It's difficult, awkward and downright painful. Our experts, clinical psychologist Priyanka Doshi and Varkha Chulani help you navigate the corridors after a romance goes bad.

Just got dumped
Your seemingly perfect affair has just come to an abrupt end. How does one mask the war wounds?

Being dumped is bad enough, but interacting with the person who did the damage daily, can be emotionally exhausting. Don't fume, scowl or accidentally spill coffee on their project report. You'll end up attracting attention to your relationship. Start by mentally preparing yourself to see your ex at work. "When you accept this fact, emotional energy rises within you to help you cope better," says Chulani. You are expecting things to be difficult and are ready to deal with it. During an encounter, control your feelings. Focus on your work and stay composed. Seeing him/ her in the office might even work in your favour as shock therapy and help you heal faster.

Usually, the uncertainty of an ex's whereabouts can be quite nerve wrecking since one doesn't have the liberty to call and check. In an office, seeing them every day helps you soak in the reality.

Be professional 
You're working together on a project but your ex is making things difficult and awkward. How do you keep your work from getting affected?

Sapna Dave, a media professional, had to holler at her co-worker cum ex four times to make him listen. "After the break up, he ignored me completely," she says. But things got ugly when he chose not to mark her on an important mail, making her miss an important meeting with the boss. She explained the situation to her boss, who in turn made sure the two didn't work in the same team again.

Realise that work comes first and learn to be professional in your attitude towards it. An impulsive reaction can cause severe damage to years of hard work and a good reputation.

Deal with emotions outside the work space. Impulsively quitting a well-paying, well-adjusted job, usually doesn't bode well in the long run. If it's too much for you to handle, ask for a change in department. Change jobs only when you see a suitable opportunity.

Chinese whispers 
Colleagues are gossiping about your relationship. How to play it cool?

Eventually, everyone will know about the break up. You can show better judgement by being discreet. Avoid posting status updates on social networking websites, going into the details of who dumped whom or how your ex was not good in bed. If asked, remain calm and politely change the subject. It will put an end to additional rumours and indicate that you are not interested in discussing the matter.

Jumping jack
Your ex has started seeing someone else. Hold on to your dignity.

It's always heartbreaking to know that your ex has found a rebound. Take it as a strong signal that they have moved on and so should you. Resist the urge to snoop around or ask colleagues about sordid details. It's a waste of precious emotional energy. Flirting with the intern just to get some attention won't help you feel any better. Take a break and cash in those pending leaves. Indulge yourself and enjoy things that make you feel good
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