5 reasons why people have affairs

Why people have affairs? 

Sometimes cheating is simply a way of telling the partner that it's over

January is the worst month of the year for infidelity, said a recent report, with extra-marital affair dating websites recording a surge in business. But when a man or woman strays, it's rarely just because they've met someone they can't resist — there's often a hidden meaning lurking behind an infidelity. A psychotherapist looks at common reasons for cheating.

1. A-fear-of-difference affair
This is a situation when one or both partners won't argue. They skirt differences rather than work through them. As they are not sharing everything, they won't feel as close, which leads to loneliness so they seek out closeness elsewhere. Often, in these cases, the straying partner is careless, almost as if unconsciously they want to get found out as this will force them to look at their relationship to see where they've been missing each other. When both parties take responsibility for their role in avoiding confrontation, there is a good chance they can learn to be real with each other and save their relationship.
Prospects for recovery: Good

2. Too-scared-to-be-soft affair
Some couples are frightened of opening up to each other, and admitting their dependence. Insteda, they prefer to argue. A dynamic of having to be right and making the other one wrong, prevails. This leads to the belief their partner does not care about them, which can lead to infidelity, even escalating into tit-for-tat affairs. By the time they get to see a relationship counsellor, they are usually on the brink of splitting. If both partners can learn to see there are better ways of connecting than through conflict, there's a chance they improve their relationship.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/good

3. Incapable-of-intimacy affair 
In this case, the straying partner finds the reality of a relationship, after the novelty stage, too complicated. A new partner seems so much more straightforward, until they get to know them too and then the whole cycle starts again. They go through this cycle several times before they realise that it might not always be the other person's issues leading to their affairs and subsequent break-ups.
Prospects for recovery: Fair/good

4. The-sex-addict affair 
The meaning of an affair when one partner is a sex addict, is less to do with the original partnership than other types of affairs. Being addicted to sex is not unlike other addictions, for example gambling. You feel 'empty' and use the addiction to feel temporarily full, but it never lasts. This can continue indefinitely unless the addict is prepared to undertake rigorous personal development work. The straying partner finds the permanent partner useful as an excuse not to get involved with conquests.
Prospects for recovery: The addict is unlikely to change so this depends on the tolerance of their partner.

5. The-exit affair 
The purpose of an exit affair is to try to force the non-straying partner into ending the relationship. Or it starts as a distraction from the pain of separation. In this instance, the purpose of the affair is to say: "It's over" because open and honest communication has not been happening for a long time. Such an affair can be seen as the cause of the split but it's often a way out
.