It’s mixed living, not live-in in Gurgaon

It’s mixed living, not live-in in Gurgaon

That girls and boys live together without being married is yesterday's news, at least when it comes to Gurgaon. Because the fact that they are not in a relationship, but still living under the same roof, is a trend that has been catching on rapidly in the city. 

While films like Dostana, Wake Up Sid and recently, Cocktail, have stressed on this new-age, liberal and fun set up, they also have the added filmi twist where the flatmates eventually fall in love. However, Gurgaonwallahs say that it is anything but. These youngsters live together with the opposite sex in a completely platonic environment, have their priorities clear and do not want to mix their personal lives with the baggage of a romantic relationship. In fact, it's purely a matter of convenience.

We're not in a relationship

Vipul Arora, 28, an ad professional, stays in Sushant Lok III with a male and a female friend, neither of whom he is romantically involved with. "The three of us started staying together because we are very like-minded individuals and worked at the same company. I have a car and we pool-in for petrol, and travel to and from work daily, so it was a convenient option to stay at the same place too. None of us found it weird, until people started pointing it out. The most common question both of us guys get asked is, 'girlfriend kiski hai?' and that includes everyone, from aunties, uncles and even my friends. It pisses me off so much, also because they stereotype her as a 'loose girl' in their minds. Why can't a woman stay with two guys and just be friends? We have very clear boundaries, and don't barge into each other's rooms without knocking. Each of us has a bathroom to ourselves, and we don't invade each other's privacy," he says.

Landlords said, pehle shaadi karke aao

While Vipul and his flatmates get the odd question or two, Rahi Sharma, 26, who stays on MG Road and works in sales, had a hard time just convincing the landlords that there is nothing of 'that sort' between the flatmates, "My best friend, her brother and I are from Dehradun, and have been working in MNCs in Gurgaon for almost a year. We used to hang out a lot after work, and weren't happy with our respective accommodations. Eventually, we decided to move into an apartment together. Our families were more than happy because they know each other well, and the three of us are childhood friends. When we started searching, we had no idea about the amount of problems we would face when dealing with landlords. We saw a three-bedroom flat that we really liked, but the landlord told us, 'pehle shaadi karke aao, phir hamein koi problem nahi hai.' I tried to tell them that he is a brother to us, and in fact, my friend's real brother. They said that they were sorry but they didn't do 'these sorts of things'. We had the same problem in one more place and were shocked at the absurdity of it. My broker told me that couples often lie to their landlords about being siblings, which is why landlords don't let people of the opposite sexes live together."

We cannot tell our parents, though

Jasmine Kaur*, 25, who works for an NGO and stays in South City II, tells us, "Even though I have a completely platonic relationship with my flatmate, who is a guy, my parents still wouldn't approve. I think if they get to know, they will call me back to Bhopal and get me married. How can I explain to them that we stay in separate rooms and have exactly the same relationship that I would with a female flatmate? There is also the whole scary image of Gurgaon being unsafe, so they would think I might get raped; pata nahi kaisa ladka hoga etc. My mom visits me once in two months, so when she comes, I have to chuck him out of our flat. I make sure there is not a speck of 'boyism' in the house. No men's deos, boxers, shaving razors, nothing! Once, he left his electric trimmer in the bathroom, and my mom asked me what I do with a trimmer. I had to lie to her that I'm having excessive facial hair growth, so it comes handy. She looked at me like I had lost my mind, but didn't ask further questions, thank God!"

But what if a surprise visit lands parents at your doorstep? Kangan Saini*, 22, a medical student living in Sector 51, tells us how her parents decided to give her a not-so-pleasant-surprise, "I stay with a friend of mine, her boyfriend, as well as his friend, in a three-bedroom house. My parents think Aanchal and I stay by ourselves, which we did, until she started dating. So, her boyfriend moved in, and his flatmate couldn't afford their previous rent alone, so he took the spare room in our house. I belong to Jaipur and go home once a month for two-three days. My parents rarely come to visit, since I go home pretty often. But due to my exams four months ago, I was unable to go for a stretch of two months, and my parents decided to give me a surprise visit."
"Thankfully, my elder sister, who is aware of my lifestyle, told me about it. I was able to guy-proof the house in the little time I got. I did feel slightly guilty for lying to my parents, but I still hide it because they wouldn't understand how I am just friends with the guys. I don't blame them. I just think not telling them is a convenient option for the both of us," adds Kangan.
Boys safer and better to live with than girls
Priyanka Das, 23, who lives in DLF City Phase I, says, "I stay with two guys, one of whom is from my hometown, and the other is a friend of his. Guys are good at getting cheap deals when it comes to houses, and we didn't have to pay any brokerage for this apartment. Gurgaon is an expensive place when it comes to flats, and this was the best deal I was getting in my budget, so I took it up. Initially, I did have my reservations, but with time, everything eased out and we've become such good friends that I think it's better to live with guys than girls. Girls argue too much, while boys are so much more adjusting. These guys are trustworthy, helpful and belong to good families. Gurgaon has so many incidents happening, and it can be risky if girls are staying alone, so I feel a lot safer too. I am also spared from the pain of dealing with electricians and plumbers, as that's their department, while I take care of arguing with the maids about their too-frequent chhuttis. My friends joke with me that I am 'living in' with not one, but two guys, but fact is, I am not in a relationship with any of them. In fact, one of them also has a girlfriend, who visits our apartment sometimes."
Dealing with dirty socks, chivalry: the problems attached
However Kangan* does add that the arrangement comes with some flaws. "It is great living in a mixed bunch like this. We don't need anyone when it comes to house parties; just the four of us can chill together. But obviously, it has its disadvantages too, like sometimes, I find a disgusting pair of socks that has been lying under the sofa for over a week. And boys will never clean up the mess from last night's party. It's always us girls who have to do it if the maid doesn't show up. So, we do have arguments about it. Initially, when Aanchal's boyfriend came in, he used to live here most of the time and didn't share the rent, and I had a problem with that. I was vocal about it, which is when he officially moved in and started paying rent and sharing expenses. So, earlier, we did have awkward money issues which we didn't discuss, but now we do discuss everything. Another problem we face is that our neighbours give us strange looks, judging us like we are doing something horribly wrong. I just wish we could blend in with them or have an occasional chat, but they probably think we are some sort of hippies." 
The money problem is the other way round when it comes to Priyanka's apartment. She tells us, "My issue was that the men folk felt the need to pay for everything, from groceries to sometimes even the bills. I don't like being treated like a kid, and don't believe in guys paying for girls. When I spoke about it, they said they felt odd asking a girl to pay. After a long discussion, I convinced them that we would do a fair division of everything since that is how it's supposed to be. We also have a lot of arguments over keeping the flat clean. Sometimes I find bottles, cigarette butts and clothes that have been lying in the washing machine for three days. These things annoy me a lot, and there have been times when I've actually dumped the mess on their beds, just so that they don't do it again.
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